the best kind of love..

If I'm being completely honest, I've only given my testimony one time. It was last April in front of my church, where I feel safe. I knew everyone understood exactly where I was coming from when I stood up there, knees shaking, about to have a panic attack. They knew my heart. It was my comfort zone. I have to break away from that. I have to step outside of my comfort zone to be the Christian and the missionary that God wants me to be. I always thought to be a missionary you have to travel to other countries and reach people that way. I'm realizing, though, that there are people that sit next to me in class or I pass by in the hallway that haven't been witnessed to. So for anyone who takes the time to read this, here is my testimony; a glimpse of the deepest part of my heart...

I have grown up with the most loving, caring, understanding, nurturing family. They have always given me anything I've ever needed or wanted. I was spoiled, if you want to put it that way. My mama and daddy showed me how to be a good person by their own actions and words. They taught me how to be humble and kind, how to be caring and compassionate. They gave me the world, or so I thought. I never really knew something was missing until later on.

I was a little bit of a brat when I was growing up. I could be mean, sometimes. I'm sure I got on everyone's nerves, hurt countless people's feelings. In middle school especially, I couldn't have cared less about anyone. When I was in 7th grade, my grandfather, who I called Poppie, was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. On October 24, 2007, the doctors told him he had six months to live. You don't get news like that and it not change your whole life. He was a man of God, so he knew his healer was going to work things out for him, whether it be here or in Heaven. He was a fighter. He never gave up. Then, on April 23, 2008, almost six months to the day, my Poppie took his last breath. At the time, I didn't understand why he had to go. I didn't understand what happened to him once he took that last breath. I didn't have any assurance in my life.

A situation like that makes you humble, and that is exactly what it did to me. It made me more humble than I had ever been. In 8th grade, yet another obstacle hit my path: my other grandfather had a life changing event take place in his life. He woke up one morning and could barely breathe. His esophagus had ruptured. There was only one doctor in all of North Carolina that had ever dealt with a problem like this before, so my mom rode in the helicopter with him as they air lifted him to Chapel Hill. One of the longest weeks of my life, up until that point. They didn't even give him the chance of making it, but he did. It was a miracle. For the past three years now he has been on a feeding tube, but he's been here. A miracle. 

Two moments like that back to back really change you. Once I got to high school, I began caring so much for people. I had an ample amount of compassion in my heart. I met new friends. My whole demeanor completely changed. I was introduced to my best friend, Lexi, in October of my Freshman year. She invited me to her youth group's Christmas party in December. I thought I would tag along, and I ended up having a lot of fun. As much fun as it was, I didn't end up going back at first. Then I met a boy. As ashamed as I am, when I started going back to church it was for that boy. However, I am thankful for that boy because if it weren't for my unfailing crush on him, I wouldn't have ever found the love of my life.

Vacation Bible School at Jennies Branch Baptist Church the summer of 2010 was unlike anything I've ever seen. It was transforming. At commencement at the end of VBS, the youth group did a "skit" called Cardboard Testimonies. On the front of a piece of cardboard, you wrote something about your life before you knew Christ. On the back of the cardboard, you wrote something about your life after you were saved. Everyone seemed to know what to write on their boards. I didn't though. I didn't have a "testimony." I didn't know Christ. When it came time for me to step up and show the congregation my board, the front said "Scared to follow Jesus" and the back said "Need prayer."

Six simple words. Six words that changed my life. Even though I didn't know it at the time, the prayer warriors starting calling out to their Savior. From what I was told, I had people in other counties, other states, praying for me. One thing I've learned in my life: PRAYER WORKS!

VBS commencement was July 30, 2010. Two weeks later, on August 15, 2010, God pulled on my heart. My pastor was preaching a sermon about Moses, and he said something that caught my attention: "I've been by people's sides as they leave this world. The ones who have the blessed assurance of Christ leave this world so peacefully. The ones who don't have that assurance struggle to leave. They know what lies ahead for them." That brought me to my knees. I accepted God into my life that day, and nothing has been the same since.

I'm happier than I've ever been. I have more peace than I ever thought was possible. I have an assurance in my heart that no one will ever be able to take away. I met the love of my life on that day. His love is the best kind of love I've ever experienced. It has completely filled me, and to this day, is still overflowing. My God is faithful. My God is kind, generous, loving, loyal, unfailing, merciful... the list goes on and on.

I'm not saying there won't be hard times because there will be. While I've been a Christian, I've suffered through the worst heart break of my life. I have been ridiculed and hurt. My grandfather whose esophagus ruptured was put back in the hospital, with no hope of living again. Yet, once again, he made it out and is still here with my family today. God works miracles. At the same time, God does things that sometimes we don't understand. A month after my grandfather was taken out of the hospital, my perfectly healthy grandmother, my Maw-Maw, passed away unexpectedly. She had a massive heart attack. I'm still dealing with that, but I know God had a reason for it. He has a reason for everything. Even through the trials and tribulations, He will always overcome in the end.  

He has blessed me with plenty in the time I've known Him. He has given me some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. He has given me a man of God that loves me. He has blessed my life with the things He wants for me. He is my Father. I know He wants me to share His unfailing and unconditional love with everyone else. He is the most wonderful part of my life.

I have a long way to go. I have a lot to learn and study. He transforms my heart everyday. He gives me more kindness and patience each day I follow Him. He gives me the words I need to talk to people about Him. He guides me down the path He wants for my life. He has a plan for me, and for you, and He wants that plan to happen for you. He won't ever give up on you. If you feel like God has given up on you, it wasn't God that gave up. It was you. God is by your side, even when you think He isn't. He's faithful. He will never leave or forsake you.

Just let Him transform your heart. Let Him take control of your life and let Him into your heart. It will be the best decision you've ever made. You won't ever regret it. His love is the best kind of love. Give it a chance. I promise you'll fall so deeply in love with Him. I know I did.