The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Hello readers! It's Christmas eve eve. For me, that means my sweet family is in town. Currently, I hear the sound of cards being shuffled, music blaring through the speakers of my television, laughter as my uncle cracks a silly joke, and the inevitable question being asked... "Is it time for presents yet?" Needless to say, this is my absolute favorite time of the year. I have the best family, and this year I cherish it more than ever. I'm so thankful for the life I have and the people who I have been blessed with. I'm glad that my family has accepted my sweet boyfriend with open arms. It makes me smile to see him being able to play our family tradition of poker with everyone. My heart is full of love at this time of year, and I know that has a lot to do with how much Jesus loves and cares for me. He has filled me up with so much joy because of His sacrifices for me. It makes me want to smile and cry at the same time because I know that someone absolutely adores me the way Jesus does.

This year is especially hard and trying for my family. This is the first Christmas without my sweet Maw-Maw and Granddaddy. We've all kind of been dreading this time of the year because we all knew how hard it would be. I've been comforted by the arms of Jesus during this year, even through the hard times. I've been able to lean on Him when I was really struggling with the losses that my family suffered. Mostly, I'm trying to be here for my family. I know it's especially hard on my dad and my mom. They no longer have their mama and their daddy. I just couldn't imagine that pain. I'm just trusting Jesus with their pain and mine. He can handle anything, and I know exactly where my grandparents are. I know they are enjoying their first Christmas in Heaven. As much as I would love to see them, I know if they were given the choice they would choose to stay with Jesus. Tomorrow won't be the same opening presents without my Maw-Maw here, but I'm so glad we had all the time we did with her.

I would just like to wish a very merry Christmas to you and your family! Don't forget the reason for the season. Jesus is love, and He is always good. I hope you remember all that He has done for you, every day. He is wonderful, and this is the most wonderful time of the year. God bless you!

I'm not sure what this is gonna be...

It's another normal night in the Wade house. The election discussion is blaring in the living room, and I'm trying to drown it out with a little Norah Jones radio on Pandora. I just feel like writing tonight for some reason, so I don't really know what will become of this post... probably just more of the endless rants that I tend to have sometimes.

I'm so incredibly sick of high school. I need a new change of pace. College cannot come fast enough for me. With that I said, I will miss my friends that I have now. My group of friends isn't exactly the biggest, meaning I can count the true ones on one hand. I just don't like change, but I'm so ready for it to come. I'm getting anxious and antsy about where I'm going to go to school. I have my sights set on Campbell; I just have to make sure I have the money for it. So, if you don't mind, please be praying for me for that. I felt so at home when I visited there in September. God keeps opening doors for it though, so I'm just trying to stay obedient to His will.

The holidays are so close I can taste them. It's been so cold on the coast lately. I feel like I'm living up North. I don't want to complain about it though because I absolutely love cold weather. I've been drinking coffee like crazy, craving soup every day, and wanting to cuddle every chance I get. That's what I love so much about Fall... it brings everyone closer, even if only for a time. Plus, my boy is the best cuddler, so it's a win-win situation for me. :)

Speaking of my boy, I have these moments sometimes when I get a text or a call from him and look at the name that pops up on my phone, I sit there and think, "Al Rising is my boyfriend?" I don't know if that happens to anyone else, but even after all this time, it still makes me stop for a second. I don't know how many of you readers have ever had a dream come true that you wanted with all of your heart, but that's what happened to me when Al and I started dating. It was, and still is, a dream come true. I know I'm a youngin and whatnot, but who says how old you have to be to fall in love? Who says how old you have to be to find that one person that makes you never want to look back? All I know is God has the plan for my life. He has opened so many doors for Al and me, and I'm going to continue following Him. I've been so blessed to have a man in my life that is so kind to me. He's thoughtful, loving, and generous. I don't deserve him at all, but I'm so lucky to have him. He'll never know how much I love him, but I can guess that I'll never know how much he loves me either.

Well, for now that's all I can think to write about. I just needed a distraction for a while. I should probably go do something, like homework. But then again, procrastination is my middle name. I'll get it done anyway. Thanks for reading! I'll be posting again soon.

Senior 2013

Hello readers! It has been over a month since I've posted anything. As a senior, so much can happen in such a short period of time. Currently, it's a Saturday night, and I'm laying at home due to Hurricane Sandy. Apparently, it's going to be a pretty bad storm. I love rain, though, so it's been a perfect day for me. Let me hash out the going-ons of the last month and a half.

Well, on October 6, I had a dream come true. I was accepted to Campbell University. When I toured there I fell in love on the spot, and when I received my acceptance letter, I was too excited for words. So excited that since then I have yet to apply to another college. I'm working on that part though (I finished my application to ECU today.) They gave me a pretty big chunk of money, but I still have a lot to go to be able to afford to go there. However, I know if this is the place God wants me to go, He will provide the opportunities for the money. I don't doubt in God's plan for me.

I've been overwhelmed with school and scholarships and clubs. As much as we want it to sometimes, life doesn't ever slow down. I like having all the responsiblities I have though. It gives me something to do and allows me to get to know people I normally wouldn't be able to. I've been steadily working on my senior project. Hopefully I'll get it done before the due date. Procrastination is my middle name,  but I know I'll get it done. Somehow I always do.

On October 19, I went to Charlotte, North Carolina with a few members of my youth group for an Apologetics Conference. Pretty much that is just learning how to defend your faith. I learned an overwhelming amount of information. God works in such awesome ways that it's hard to comprehend sometimes. I believe, now more than ever, that God is real and He is alive and steady at work in my life. He has allowed my eyes and heart to be opened to parts of the world that I have never seen before. He is always preparing me for ways to talk to people who are skeptical of Him. As a Christian, I know how important it is to live in a way that shows Jesus to other people. I don't ever want to be the reason that someone will never believe in God because they saw what I said I lived for, but I never really lived like it.

I'm working on worrying less and praying more. God has put some obstacles in my life lately that I know He is using to make me put my faith fully in Him. Prayer has got to become an active part of my life. God has got to become an active part of my life. I'm tired of being worried and anxious and upset all the time. There is no need to be when God is the One holding my life in His hands. He has never let me down. That's something I have to remember.

My dad and my aunt flew out to Mississippi today to spend some time with my Pops. Tomorrow is my sweet Maw-Maw's birthday. She passed away this year, and it has been a hard time on all of us. She was the glue in our family. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is in Heaven with my awesome Savior. I just wish I could see her sometimes, but I know that I'll see her again, along with my granddaddy. I'm so lucky to have the assurance in my heart that I get to spend eternity with Jesus and all my family members. I pray so much for my family members who don't know Him that they will know Him before it's too late. God's grace is surrounding all of us right now, and all we have to do is accept it. That's a prayer we should all be praying. For the lost souls.

My life is always going to be hectic, I've come to accept. I'm ready for all of it though. I'm halfway through the first semester of my senior year. It's crazy how fast time is flying by. I'm ready to graduate, but I'm not ready to leave. I know I have to experience the world though, and that's something I can't wait to do. Well, that's all I have for tonight. Thanks for reading!

Happy Day!

Hello loves! I've been feeling so encouraged lately, and I just wanted to share some of that encouragement with you! Senior year has been absolutely crazy, but I wouldn't change it. Although it has been a breeze, I feel the stress catching up to me. Senior projects, homework, college applications.... my head is spinning. I guess it's that time of year for every senior though. At least I'm not suffering alone

On a positive note, my mom and I went to tour Campbell University on Saturday, and it's officical... I want to call it my home next year. That's exactly what it felt like to me: home. I could see myself there for the next four years. I fell absolutely in love. God willing it will continue to work out. I know He has many plans for me. I'm so excited for whatever my future holds, Campbell or something else. I'm just excited, and I really can't wait. This last year of high school will be torture for me because I'm so in love with Campbell. I just want to be in college already. Senioritis is taking over! Ahhhh! Save me!

I would also like to say that I have been so blessed in my life. God has given me the truest friends I could have ever asked for. My friends are so wonderful to me, even when I don't deserve it. This last year with them is going to be hard. Every time I start to think about graduation and moving on, it breaks my heart. My class is one-of-a-kind, and that's one thing that will be tough to let go of. Senior year is about making memories, and I've already been doing that with the intention of making more.

Also, on Wednesday, I'm going on a date with my sweet boy. We've been best friends for 2 years. That's something I've always loved about us: It's so important to us to remember that we were best friends first, and that friendship is what lead us to where we are. Our friendship is more important to me than this whole year of our relationship, because our friendship is what made us into the couple we are. I couldn't be more thankful or blessed with the man of God that I'm totally captivated by. It just keeps getting better.

So, as you can see, I have been uplifted lately. I've been happy and encouraged, and I hope the same for everyone reading this. If not, and if there's any way I can help, just let me know. I will do my best. Even if that means all I can do is pray, I will do that. Praying makes all the difference. Thank you for reading this! I hope you have a wonderful night!

One of My Famous Rambles...

Well hello there, readers. It feels like it has been such a long time since I've taken the time to sit down and blog. Although I don't get to every day, I feel like this is a coping mechanism for life for me. Writing has always been an escape of sorts for me. I can write down what I'm feeling and thinking better than I would ever be able to express it in a conversation. So, for anyone who takes the time to read this tonight, I'm sorry. This post will be the resting place of all the nonsense that has gone on in my life for the past few weeks. Be prepared, and don't say I didn't warn you. :)

Well, the month of July was absolutely hectic for me. I feel like after every July 4th the summer just flies by. That is exactly what happened this summer anyway. I went to Ohio with my aunt and cousin the week after the 4th. In a previous post I explained all about that. It was an interesting trip to say the least. But hey, we didn't get lost a single time, and we all got to spend some quality time with one another. I think that's something we take for granted. We so often pass up the opportunity to spend time with the ones we love, not realizing that someday we don't get the chance to do so. I'm glad I was able to spend that week with two people I love very much. I wouldn't have traded the 28 hour round trip for anything. Family first.

After that I had a very reviving week of vacation bible school at my church. It was renewing, but it was also a very stressful time in my life. I was definitely feeling pressured to be someone that everyone wanted me to be, not someone that God wanted me to be. I'm not the most obedient person when it comes to God's will, that's one of my big faults, but I try not to be a completely different person than what He wants for me. I felt like I had to be this big shot Christian, going around preaching to people about the Gospel, when in reality I know that I don't even understand enough about the Gospel to tell anyone else about it. I was so stressed because of this, but I know it was God's way of telling me that in order to be the person who can speak in front of a crowd, I have to take the time to really get to know Him and His word first. So little by little, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm at a point, though, where I feel like I've become a lukewarm Christian. In all honesty, I don't know if that's what I am, but I feel like I've become very lazy. God himself says He will vomit the lukewarm Christians out of His mouth on the day of judgement. I just don't want that to be me. I don't want that to be anyone. I feel like I'm failing in a way. But I know God has a plan for my life. As much as I worry all the time, I never worry that God doesn't have a plan for me because He does. He has a plan for all of us.

During that week of big changes in my spiritual life, I also had a big change in my personal life. My boyfriend, who is a wonderful man of God, and I decided to take a break. We felt like we were holding each other back from growing in our relationships with God. To this day, I feel like that is true. However, at the time we thought the only way we could get closer to Him was to break up. That was a really rough night for me and him. We both really struggled. We got a lot of great advice from people who care about us, and we made the decision to grow together. It doesn't make you any holier to be focused on God and single. You should focus on God ALL THE TIME. Our relationship has had some major changes in the past few weeks. I won't say that we haven't struggled because we have. But we're going to work it out. God will work it out the way He sees fit. All I know is I love the boy with all my heart. I know I will always love him, whether we're together or apart. I want what is absolutely best for him because he deserves it. Any decisions we make in the future will be okay with me because he's my best friend. As long as I have that, I know things will be alright.

After that, I really had to start focusing on my senior year of high school. It's so hard to believe that in just a few short weeks I will start my last first day of school. It has come so quickly that I don't even know where the time has gone. It seems like just yesterday I was in eighth grade, scared out of my mind to go to high school. Now I'm THE upperclassman. I'm so lucky to have such a loving and supporting class. We have our fights and disagreements, but at the end of the day we support each other. In just a few short months we'll be saying goodbye for the last time and setting off on our new journeys. To all the people in my class, we better make this year count. We won't ever get it back. I love you guys.

So now in the month of August, I'm preparing for school to start, which means actually doing my summer reading. I'm going to be busy moving my sister into college (how crazy!) and I'll be spending time with my lovely boyfriend and best friend in the process of all those things. My anniversary is coming up this Wednesday and the boy and I will be heading out to do something fun. I'm really looking forward to it. I need a fun night. I'm hoping to attend a great Christian concert next Friday, and I hope to continue to grow with my Savior. I will also be taking my senior pictures with my best friend, which is so bittersweet. Whatever this year holds I will be open to the changes, including any changes that come within myself.

I just had to get all this off my chest before I exploded. Thank you for taking the time to read this, you brave soul. Hopefully I didn't scare you off, and you'll continue to read my blog the next time I post. I hope you have a blessed night!

Worries

• I worry that I'm not good enough for anyone
• I worry that I won't be the best that I can be
• I worry that my family isn't proud of me and looks at me differently
• I worry about my parents
• I worry that you don't miss me as much as you used to
• I worry that my life is becoming complacent and I'm at a standstill
• I worry that God isn't proud of the person I'm becoming
• I worry that I'll never make it to where I want to be
• I worry that I'll never be the person that everyone thinks I should be
• I worry that all my relationships are going to fail
• I worry that my friends talk about me behind my back
• I worry that I don't know who is loyal and faithful to me
• I worry that I can't control my worrying
• I worry that I won't ever make it
• I worry about my health
• I worry about everyone else
• I worry about everything

I spend all my time worrying. I know that worrying does nothing. I know that God says, "Cast all your anxieties on me because I care for you (1Peter 5:7)." I worry when I know I really have nothing to worry about. But I can't help it. I've been doing it for so long now that it's a part of my nature. I'm  human. I just wish I could stop all the worrying. I really do.

Smiley Rilee :)

Anyone who knows me knows my cousin, Rilee. You may not know her personally, but I ask for prayer for her all the time. If you don't know her situation, I'll give you a brief summation. She is thirteen years old - beautiful, funny, adorable. She is absolutely the cutest thing you'll ever meet. However, she has been in and out of the hospital for 7 years now. I don't know the specifics of it all, but she gets really excruciating headaches. So much so that sometimes she can't bear them. It really limits the things she can do. She's thirteen, ya know? She should be able to do all the things that a thirteen year old wants to do, but sometimes she just can't. The doctors are unsure of what is causing the headaches. She has to have procedures done almost every month, which isn't the way any child should have to live.

Right now, she is in the hospital having a spinal tap done to remove the fluid from her brain. When the fluid builds up it makes her headaches worse. She has been in the hospital for a few days now, and chances are she will have to travel to Ohio to see a specialist. This is a trip she has made a few times before. I know it can't be easy on her, her mom, or her dad.

The beautiful blessing in this situation is that Rilee knows God has a plan. During all this, she received Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior! Hallelujah! What a blessing! She knows that she has struggles, but she trusts that God has the ultimate plan for her life. She is only thirteen, and a lot of the time understanding the bigger plan is hard for her, but she hasn't given up. She is the toughest and bravest little girl I know. I couldn't be more proud of the young lady she has turned out to be. On her good days, she is able to get out and play and swim and just enjoy her life. On her bad days though, she is still trying to enjoy her life to the best of her abilities. She is an inspiration to me. She has the strength of an army. She isn't afraid of the future because she knows God is the one holding her future! I am so blessed she is a part of my life.

I am asking that you please continue to pray for her during this time in her life. Please, write her name down, Rilee Rhodes, on any prayer lists you have and remember her when you talk to God. She is a tough little cookie, but all prayers are appreciated. I strongly believe in the power of prayer! God is a miracle worker, and He does have her life already planned out. Just pray for her continued strength as she goes through each day. No matter what is ahead, God is in control. Thank you for reading this, and thank you for all your prayers!

God Bless!

In Christ Alone...

I'm feeling so lead this morning to just boast about Jesus' unfailing, merciful, wonderful, perfect love and adoration for me. God sent HIS ONE AND ONLY SON to die a brutal, painful, and undeserving death on the cross to save a wretch like me. In reality, I should have been the one to take the punishment for the lifetime of sins I have committed. Instead, God sacrificed. That's what love is: sacrifice. He is the epitome of love. It isn't just what He does, it's who He is. I can't even brag about my love for Him because I fail Him every single day, but His love never fails.

I serve a MIGHTY God who is able to do anything. He is able to give me the world; He is able to take all things away. In Christ alone you can be delivered from any temption, challenge, obstacle, or situation that the world makes you face every day. He can deliver us. He was willing to send His son to die for us, yet we take that so lightly. This is God. He could strike us down with one word, but wouldn't do it because of the pure love He has for us, and we have chosen to make jokes about Him and refuse to serve Him. He deserves to be lifted high in praise and honor and glory. Everything you do in your life should be an active gift to God. He gave us the ultimate gift. Let your lifesong sing to Him.

I am no saint. I'm the chief of all sinners. I struggle so much with temptation and want. I couldn't even begin to tell you the challenges I'm faced with every day as a Christian. I have made decisions, decisions that make God so disappointed in me, that I am not proud of. I haven't had the boldness to stand up and say that I don't want to make those decisions. I don't want to compromise the purity that God has given my life. I want to be a HOLY vessel in the eyes of God. I have a lot of things to work on, but I'm willing to work on them because God deserves the HONOR and GLORY in EVERYTHING I do in my life.

He deserves to be worshiped and adored with every word we speak. We all get so careless with our words, myself included. We forget that God says the tounge causes destruction. Christians are looked at so much for the lives they lead in front of others, and that's a good thing. We need to be held accountable for our actions because we are supposed to be wearing the armor of God. We each need to try to be the best person we can be, turning away from sin when it tries to dictate our lives. Many people who aren't Christians choose not to be because of the way they see other "Christians" lead their lives. It makes me sick to think that someone has looked at my life and seen all the sin that I chose not to turn from and it turned them away from knowing their Creator. It makes me sick.

I have so many things holding me back from being the Christian I want to be. I have a heart for Christ. My lifesong just hasn't always sang that out in the right way. It's a choice and a fight every day to keep Godly things on your mind and in your heart. The devil will try to give you things that are satisfying for a season, but God's love is satisfying forever.

Let God, the Creator of the Heavens and the earth, the king of kings and the Lord of lords, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end be the center of your life. Let Him lead you where He wants you to go following the plan He has for your life. Let God take your plan A and turn it into His plan B. It'll be a better life than you could have ever pictured for yourself. He wants what is best for you because He knows what is best for you. He is love and He is ALL you need. He will give you the greatest joys and pleasures and happiness you've ever experienced in your life. He will transform you into His reflection.

He promises eternal life to those who choose to follow and believe in Him. Salvation is the greatest gift anyone can receive. Jesus is ALIVE and REAL. He is all things good and powerful and mericful and mighty. He is an active part of your life. He wants to be your priority. He wants to be your true love. Once you let Him in, you won't ever want to let Him go. Let your lifesong sing to the One who made you. Let Him be pleased with all your works. Let Him be glorified by your actions, thoughts, and words. Let Him be the guiding force in your life. Let Him be your everything.

In Christ alone, you can do all things.
God bless you!

Standing Strong in Your Convictions

In youth on Sunday, one of my youth pastors, Mr. Joe, gave our lesson. He's such a great youth pastor because he can really relate to us. He knows what we're going through, and he knows exactly where to look for the advice he wants to give us: the Bible. In all honestly, I couldn't tell you exactly what the lesson was about on Sunday. Bits and pieces caught my attention, and I've always had the mindset that if something stands out to you and you can remember it, it was probably important. At youth, we talk about the tough issues, the issues all teenagers are facing these days. Abortions, pre-marital sex, drugs, alcohol... probably some pretty touchy subjects in most households. However, if anything, we need to be able to talk about them with someone.

The two topics that really stood out to me were abortion and saving yourself for marriage. The Bible points out that both things are wrong. I bet you didn't know that in North Carolina alone over 70 abortions are performed each day. Seriously? That's staggering to me.
Pslam 139 states, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful......... All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." That is so amazing to me. GOD created ME in my mama's womb. HE knows what each of my days will hold; He has always known. What an awesome God I'm serving! The debate with abortion is when a baby actually has life, and to me I think this Bible verse points it out perfectly. GOD CREATED YOU in your mother's womb. You were a creation, a living thing.
I have a heart for people who are thinking about abortions because they feel they have no other way out. They're scared their parents will get mad at them. They're scared of losing their friends, their abilities to do certain things, just everything. I want you to know if you're reading this and you're thinking about getting an abortion, God has a plan for you and Heaven's little creation inside you. Put your life in God's hands and He will direct you where He wants you to go. Don't be afraid. Always remember: All the days ordained for YOU were written in HIS book before they ever present themselves in your life. Just hang on. God will guide you through it.

True love waits. How many of you have heard or seen this slogan in your life? It's sad that that's all it has become: a slogan. If you don't know what I'm talking about, true love waits means that you're saving yourself for marriage. 1 Thessalonians tells me, "Each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable." This is the Bible verse that relates to true love waits. As a teenager, decisions are bound to be made that can alter the plan that God has for our lives. Sex before marriage is a tangled web. As Mr. Joe put it in his lesson, "Unless you're ready to marry them and make them a parent, you shouldn't have relations with them."
I've seen the toll that pre-martial sex can take on someone's life. It's a whole mix of emotions and attachments that cannot be easily forgotten. Two will become one flesh (1 Corinthians 6:16). I think that is the part people forget when they decide to give his/her whole body to someone else. Once you have sex with someone, that person gets to keep a part of you, a part of your heart. It can be detrimental to your happiness. I'm no one to point fingers; I'm the chief of all sinners.
As a Christian, you have to stand strong in your convictions. Don't let someone talk you into something that you know you don't want to do or that you can't handle. Be a person after God's own heart; what better reward could you strive for? The way Mr. Joe concluded his lesson was by giving us hope in a dark world: "When you're being tempted, just remember: What better gift could you give your husband or wife than your pure self? That is love in its purest form."


I guess what I'm trying to say in all my rambling is you should let God lead your life. If you're making or have made decisions that are life changing and you feel like you can't go back, you can go back. God will love you today, tomorrow, and always. There is nothing you can do that can make Him not love you anymore. It's the best love in the world. Let God lead you to the person He wants you to be with. He has someone out there for you, someone who is absolutely perfect for you. Have patience and He'll show you them in His own time. Trust God with all you do, and His plan will far exceed any plans you have for yourself. YOU ARE GOD'S BEAUTIFUL CREATION... never, ever forget that! <3

negative to positive

Well it has just been one of those days... one of those where you can't seem to do anything right and you feel like everyone hates you. I'm normally a very positive person, but today was just hard for me. I guess a lot of things have been burdening my heart lately. I'm really failing at giving all my problems to God lately. I know that if I would just do that, He would fight my battles for me. I'm just having a problem with trust lately. Actually, I've always had a problem with trust. I know how silly that is when it comes to God, but it's just hard sometimes.

I just wanted to come home from school today and sleep for a long time. Normally when I'm in a bad mood, I like to sleep. Today I couldn't go to sleep. I think what I really needed was to talk to someone who would make me feel better. Someone who would make me smile even through all the mess that was going on. I'm lucky I have a person, a couple people, like that in my life.

Today, Al Rising was that person for me. Every day he's my person, but I really needed a smile today and he gave me one without even trying. It's moments like those that I realize how lucky I am. I've been so blessed with everything and everyone in my life. Even on the bad days, I have so much to be thankful for. And people always say you have to have bad times to appreciate the good ones. I'm all about turning the negative into the positive. Today was nothing like how I planned it, but it ended up being great. God is always in control!

the best kind of love..

If I'm being completely honest, I've only given my testimony one time. It was last April in front of my church, where I feel safe. I knew everyone understood exactly where I was coming from when I stood up there, knees shaking, about to have a panic attack. They knew my heart. It was my comfort zone. I have to break away from that. I have to step outside of my comfort zone to be the Christian and the missionary that God wants me to be. I always thought to be a missionary you have to travel to other countries and reach people that way. I'm realizing, though, that there are people that sit next to me in class or I pass by in the hallway that haven't been witnessed to. So for anyone who takes the time to read this, here is my testimony; a glimpse of the deepest part of my heart...

I have grown up with the most loving, caring, understanding, nurturing family. They have always given me anything I've ever needed or wanted. I was spoiled, if you want to put it that way. My mama and daddy showed me how to be a good person by their own actions and words. They taught me how to be humble and kind, how to be caring and compassionate. They gave me the world, or so I thought. I never really knew something was missing until later on.

I was a little bit of a brat when I was growing up. I could be mean, sometimes. I'm sure I got on everyone's nerves, hurt countless people's feelings. In middle school especially, I couldn't have cared less about anyone. When I was in 7th grade, my grandfather, who I called Poppie, was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. On October 24, 2007, the doctors told him he had six months to live. You don't get news like that and it not change your whole life. He was a man of God, so he knew his healer was going to work things out for him, whether it be here or in Heaven. He was a fighter. He never gave up. Then, on April 23, 2008, almost six months to the day, my Poppie took his last breath. At the time, I didn't understand why he had to go. I didn't understand what happened to him once he took that last breath. I didn't have any assurance in my life.

A situation like that makes you humble, and that is exactly what it did to me. It made me more humble than I had ever been. In 8th grade, yet another obstacle hit my path: my other grandfather had a life changing event take place in his life. He woke up one morning and could barely breathe. His esophagus had ruptured. There was only one doctor in all of North Carolina that had ever dealt with a problem like this before, so my mom rode in the helicopter with him as they air lifted him to Chapel Hill. One of the longest weeks of my life, up until that point. They didn't even give him the chance of making it, but he did. It was a miracle. For the past three years now he has been on a feeding tube, but he's been here. A miracle. 

Two moments like that back to back really change you. Once I got to high school, I began caring so much for people. I had an ample amount of compassion in my heart. I met new friends. My whole demeanor completely changed. I was introduced to my best friend, Lexi, in October of my Freshman year. She invited me to her youth group's Christmas party in December. I thought I would tag along, and I ended up having a lot of fun. As much fun as it was, I didn't end up going back at first. Then I met a boy. As ashamed as I am, when I started going back to church it was for that boy. However, I am thankful for that boy because if it weren't for my unfailing crush on him, I wouldn't have ever found the love of my life.

Vacation Bible School at Jennies Branch Baptist Church the summer of 2010 was unlike anything I've ever seen. It was transforming. At commencement at the end of VBS, the youth group did a "skit" called Cardboard Testimonies. On the front of a piece of cardboard, you wrote something about your life before you knew Christ. On the back of the cardboard, you wrote something about your life after you were saved. Everyone seemed to know what to write on their boards. I didn't though. I didn't have a "testimony." I didn't know Christ. When it came time for me to step up and show the congregation my board, the front said "Scared to follow Jesus" and the back said "Need prayer."

Six simple words. Six words that changed my life. Even though I didn't know it at the time, the prayer warriors starting calling out to their Savior. From what I was told, I had people in other counties, other states, praying for me. One thing I've learned in my life: PRAYER WORKS!

VBS commencement was July 30, 2010. Two weeks later, on August 15, 2010, God pulled on my heart. My pastor was preaching a sermon about Moses, and he said something that caught my attention: "I've been by people's sides as they leave this world. The ones who have the blessed assurance of Christ leave this world so peacefully. The ones who don't have that assurance struggle to leave. They know what lies ahead for them." That brought me to my knees. I accepted God into my life that day, and nothing has been the same since.

I'm happier than I've ever been. I have more peace than I ever thought was possible. I have an assurance in my heart that no one will ever be able to take away. I met the love of my life on that day. His love is the best kind of love I've ever experienced. It has completely filled me, and to this day, is still overflowing. My God is faithful. My God is kind, generous, loving, loyal, unfailing, merciful... the list goes on and on.

I'm not saying there won't be hard times because there will be. While I've been a Christian, I've suffered through the worst heart break of my life. I have been ridiculed and hurt. My grandfather whose esophagus ruptured was put back in the hospital, with no hope of living again. Yet, once again, he made it out and is still here with my family today. God works miracles. At the same time, God does things that sometimes we don't understand. A month after my grandfather was taken out of the hospital, my perfectly healthy grandmother, my Maw-Maw, passed away unexpectedly. She had a massive heart attack. I'm still dealing with that, but I know God had a reason for it. He has a reason for everything. Even through the trials and tribulations, He will always overcome in the end.  

He has blessed me with plenty in the time I've known Him. He has given me some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. He has given me a man of God that loves me. He has blessed my life with the things He wants for me. He is my Father. I know He wants me to share His unfailing and unconditional love with everyone else. He is the most wonderful part of my life.

I have a long way to go. I have a lot to learn and study. He transforms my heart everyday. He gives me more kindness and patience each day I follow Him. He gives me the words I need to talk to people about Him. He guides me down the path He wants for my life. He has a plan for me, and for you, and He wants that plan to happen for you. He won't ever give up on you. If you feel like God has given up on you, it wasn't God that gave up. It was you. God is by your side, even when you think He isn't. He's faithful. He will never leave or forsake you.

Just let Him transform your heart. Let Him take control of your life and let Him into your heart. It will be the best decision you've ever made. You won't ever regret it. His love is the best kind of love. Give it a chance. I promise you'll fall so deeply in love with Him. I know I did.

favorite people

I feel like we forget to tell the people in our lives how much they mean to us while we still have the chance. here goes nothing... :)

Day Six: Top 10 favorite people and why...

In no particular order:

Mama and Daddy- You guys will always be my favorite people. You brought me into this world, and I have no doubt you can take me out. You have given me everything I've ever needed or wanted. You've pretty much spoiled me to no end, but you've also taught me how to be humble. You both give me so much to look forward to in my future because you've given me the foundation I need to be the best person I can be. I'm eternally grateful, and I love you guys so much.

Kayla and Courtney- You guys are like one person to me as well because you both share a piece of my heart. I couldn't have asked for better sisters, or friends. I know I can tell both of you anything, and you won't judge me or get mad or make me feel stupid. You two are both as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. You both are my role models. I'm so glad I've been able to live and learn from both of you. You teach me something new every day. I love you with all my heart.

Al Rising- Every single day when I wake up, I think about you. Whether I get to see you or not that day doesn't really matter to me because I know I'm fortunate enough to have you in my life for another day. You always give me something to look forward to. You are the love of my life and the light of my world. I couldn't imagine my life without you. You always give me a reason to smile and laugh. You brighten up my whole world. You've never given up on me, and you love me unconditionally. I couldn't ask for anyone to love me any better. You're an angel, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I love you, always and forever.

Cynthia Bolanos- I don't even know where to begin. You have been by my side since day one. Through all the petty middle school, and even high school, drama you have never left me. You're one of the few people I know I can trust with anything. You are the most understanding and loving person I've ever met. You are the most faithful friend I've ever had. I miss you so much. I know we aren't as close anymore, but I'd do anything to be as close as we used to be. No matter where we go or what happens, I'll always be here for you. You'll always be my best friend, my soul sister. No one can take your place. I love you, to infinity and beyond.

Lexi Dobbins- You are my sunshine. I know we hate each other most of the time, but it's because we're so different. However, as much as we fight, I couldn't imagine a day without you. You're the best friend I've ever had. You always listen to me, comfort me, discipline me... you just know me. Even when I don't want to listen to your advice, I know you have my best interest at heart and vice versa. You make me laugh every day, and not many people can do that. You are such a big and important part of my life. I love you more than you know, don't ever forget that.

Khalil Gore- I would just like to tell you that AGAIN today someone thought we were dating! We seriously have to stop ;) You'll never know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you being here for me like you are. You are such a great friend to me, even when I don't deserve it. I know I can always count on you for anything. You're the kindest and most generous person I've ever met. I'm so lucky to have you in my life and be able to call you my best friend. I love the relationship we have. I love how you understand me, even when I don't really know what's going on with me. You're the best, Khalil. I love you.

Myron Gore- You will always be my favorite person. No matter how much time goes by without us talking or seeing each other, you will always have a big place in my heart. You were my first best friend, and you're my forever best friend. I never worry about our friendship because we can always pick back up from where we left off. I do miss seeing your face and having our classic "Myron and Morgan" talks. I'll always be here for anything you need. I can't believe we've been friends for 12 years. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love you bestfriend <3

Lilly Willis- I love how close we've been getting lately. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met, inside and out. You have a heart of gold, and I absolutely adore that in you. I know I can come to you with anything, and you'll do everything in your power to help me. You inspire me so much. You help me grow in my relationship with God by the love of God I see in your eyes. You are such a good friend to me, and I hope our friendship continues to grow. You're an angel, Lillian Willis. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much.

Day Five...

Everything you wish for in a significant other

I know I'm a little behind in my blogging, but I decided to start back up.

When you're a little kid, boy or girl, you dream of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. They have certain qualities about them that draw you to them, even if it is just in your dreams. You can picture almost everything about them. Just remember the feeling you'd get whenever you'd see them in your dreams. Remember the feeling you would have when you woke up the next morning. Take the feeling and multiply it by a million. That's how it feels when the person of your dreams becomes a reality.

The boy from my dreams was kind. He was smart. He was hilarious. He had a personality that could bring a sense of relief to any room. He had a smile that could light up the whole world. He was beautiful. He had so much confidence. He had eyes that could literally melt your heart. He was the most precious thing you could ever meet, and when I was little, I hadn't even had the pleasure of meeting him yet.

Kenneth Allen Rising III.
Just a name. A name I'd heard a thousand times. A name that was mentioned here and there when I was around certain friends. The name given to the person who changed my whole life.

Meeting the person of your dreams is a surreal experience. The moment you realize who he is to you your whole life changes. It sounds like something out of a movie, but it's like gravity isn't holding you here anymore. The boy from all my dreams from when I was little, the boy who I thought about whenever I watched love stories had come into my life with such impact that I knew he was what was holding me here.

My soul mate, my better half, my best friend is what is holding me here. He's beautiful. He the most kind-hearted person you'll ever meet. He's incredibly funny, with the best sense of humor. He has the most warming smile. I can look into his beautiful, blue eyes - the color of the ocean - and see my whole future. He's more than precious. He is a man of God, one who leads me every day. We're growing together, and each day I'm with him is one more day I have to fall in love with him. He's perfect, maybe not to everyone else, but to me. I couldn't have asked for someone better. Even my wildest dreams, even the ones from when I was little, couldn't have shown me someone as wonderful as Al Rising. He is everything I've ever wanted in my significant other.

He's just everything. And I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Day Four...

How you think your life would change if you achieved your dreams

I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life. I say that I want to be a journalist, but I don't know if I really want to do that. I'm still young, and I know I still have time to decide. The only thing I've ever wanted to be was a good woman, a good wife, and a good mother. Now I hope to be a good, GODLY woman, wife, and mother. I just want to make a difference in the lives of everyone I meet. I want to leave an impression. I want to make as many people as I can happy. Even if it's just by giving them a smile or a hug. I choose to be a people-pleaser because I like to see people happy. If I achieve all this in my lifetime, I'll be very happy as well.

Day Three...

What you think your reason for being here is

In the past two years, I've been more alive than I've ever felt. I've been happy; I've been hopeful; I've been peaceful... even in the hard times. I've grown as a person. I've expanded my horizons. I've opened my heart and my mind. I've given myself time to grow. In the past two years, God has given me a purpose. He uses everyone for a different reason, and I think He is using me to reach people. I don't always live the life that I should. I don't always live the life that is a good representation of God. I'm really just starting to work on it. But I know that once I start working on it, God will set me on fire for Him, and He'll allow me to do things that bring glory to His kingdom.

He uses me to listen to people - to be a friend, a mediator, a go-to person for some people. He's given me the ability to speak well in front of people. He's given me a forgiving and loving heart. He's given me a tender soul. He's given me all the qualities I need to go out and reach people for Him. All I have to do is put it into action, which I've yet to do. I sincerely hope I fulfill God's will for my life, because I know that'll be such a victory and a joy. I think all this is what He's calling me to do. My only reason for being here is Jesus, and I couldn't think of a better reason than that.

Day Two...

Something's that is illegal, but you think it should be legal

I don't always agree with the way our government handles things, but the law is the law. We have a lot of freedoms in this country that many people in other countries would literally die for. I think Americans struggle to be thankful for the freedoms they do have. All anyone ever wants to focus on is how the government is limiting their lives. People on the other side of the world would be more than thankful for education, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, right to fair trial, no cruel or unusual punishment, etc. These are things we rant and rave over every day because they aren't "fair enough." We all need to be more thankful.

The only thing I think I would debate our government on is the fact that they banned God from schools. I don't really struggle with that at my school because we are allowed to have the Prayer Circle, but in other places just mentioning God's holy name is enough to get you suspended. This is leading to huge problems, not only in our schools systems, but in our country as a whole. The Founding Fathers of this country put God as the foundation of it. We are getting so far away from that these days because we don't want to "offend" anyone. I just hope that our country realizes that our freedoms, successes, dreams, and abilities were given to us by God. We all should be thankful for that.

Day One...

Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next year w/ a picture of yourself

In the next year, I hope I'll still be happy. I hope I'll be experiencing the feeling you get whenever dreams come true. I hope to be accepted into the college God wants for me. I hope to still have the faith I do now, maybe even a little stronger. I hope I'll be reaching people through the story my life tells. I hope to still be with my precious boyfriend. I hope that whatever God has planned for my life is exactly what will happen. I don't want to ever live outside of His will because I know I'll be miserable.

Specific dreams and goals for the next year: Be President of Honor Society and SADD, get accepted into college, receive some scholarships, give my testimony to people I don't know, become a leader in my church, give up something that is hendering my relationship with God, be as loyal and good of a friend as I can be, continue to follow the Lord.

I hope all these things will happen in my life, but whether they do or not is not the issue. Like one of my favorite stories from the Bible... if all the things I wish for my life do come true - God is good; If all the things I wish for my life do not come true - God is still good. As long as I keep Him as my rock, my life will be blessed plenty.

I know that in the next year I have many things I need to work on to better myself. Jealousy, worry, anxiety, anger, depression, fear - all these things are really hurting my life. I know I have to take it one day at a time, but it'll get better. I just have to remember to wake up every morning and put a smile on my face because I'm alive, and that is more than enough reason to be happy.

Whatever happens in the next year, I'll be willing to face. All my dreams, hopes, and plans will come true whether I realize it or not. I've just got to stay focused and down-to-earth. The rest will fall into place.